Again with the funky ass dreams...

... okay, so I don't know what, if anything, last night's dream meant, but it was a little unsettling for me.

My mother was there. She looked thin, but healthy. Ish. I mean, she lost most of her body weight in the years before she died, and one time she said that she didn't mind because she was smaller than when she was even 15. But it was scary, because I remember the night I was massaging her neck (she had problems with it for the last year or two of her life) and her shoulders, I could feel every bone in her body, and it terrified me. That was when I started walking to her doorway in the night and standing there, just listening for her breathing to make sure she was alive.

All I had to do was be there when I said I would be, on a holiday off school, but once more I didn't bother calling to say that I wouldn't be there...

Last night's dream, though, had her there. And she was telling me something about how she was going to divorce my father because he hadn't ever been there for her, and that she'd finally realized it and all that. That my dad knew (and I saw that he was upset in a flash of his face in my mind), but that it was going to happen so they could go their separate ways and have their lives.

There were two spiders in my dream too, but they looked like black widows... poisonous ones. But they looked like your zipper-spiders, the ones that make Z's in their webs and are otherwise known as "garden spiders"... Making webs in the kitchen where my mother was. We tried to shoo them out, but couldn't quite get them. And there were curtains they were trying to hide in...

Anyway, I woke up from that going, "What the HELL?!" I do that sometimes with my dreams. They're usually the ones I remember, too, heh.

I just wish I knew what was going on there... because though my mother was really skinny, I distinctly remember her filling out in the dream as we talked. Odd.